Kids
by CaseyIsMyValentine
Summary: "You were only a child, crawlin on yours knees toward him. Making mommy so proud, but you were too loud."


**A/N: **Based of "Kids" by MGMT, that song is really amazing- and inspiring I guess. Not trashy like most of the music I listen to, if you don't like electro/rap/trash that much listen to "Kids". It's not too slow but not too fast. (: **Disclaimer: **I don't own the song or Sammy Keyes. P.S. WVD wrote a Sammy Keyes short story, go to the SK website and the little puzzle thing. (:

_"Kids" song by MGMT_

_You were only a child, crawlin on yours knees toward him. You're makin mommy so proud, but your voice is too loud. We like to watch you laugh, pickin insects off of plants, no time to think of consequences._

When I was a kid, I used to be a lonely child. I'm not talking about when I was, like, 10. I'm talking about when I was, about six or seven. Before I met Marissa.

My mother never really_tried _really hard to take care of me, I guess. Maybe she just didn't know how, or maybe she just didn't _want _to try. So, to put it simply, I had a lot of time to myself. Especially when I wandered off to places like the park.

So in between the time of my dad leaving/_? _ And me meeting Marissa, I was all alone, and I sort of found out who I was in that little period of time.

At first I had no idea what I wanted in life. When I first entered the kindergarten classroom, I wondered to myself, who was I to the rest of these kids? The same kid, the same lessons, the same lifestyle? I know it was deep thinking for a kid like me, but my thoughts were my only friends and my only enemies. I had no choice but to think of these things.

I didn't want to be the same. Would I be a kindergartener and then go on to first grade, my teacher forgetting all about me? Or would I be different somehow? Would people know me as Sammy, the kid that was _unique?_

Of course no one wanted to talk to me, everyone already knew each other from preschool and other places, I was just The New Random Girl.

So everyday after school I went to the small empty park by my house. A new park had been built by the school, so no one came to this one anymore. I used to sit on the swings and think about my dad. Back then, I had more memories of him. I had a super-faint picture of him.

I don't even remember having a father, now.

I don't even remember how it feels to have a mother anymore, either.

I sat there on the swings wishing that soon enough I'd know who he was and my mom would quit her lame job and we'd be a happy family.

And whenever doubts of _that _ever came into mind, I imagined falling in love.

Okay, I was never a romantic person, trust me. But I mostly imagined it as, I would get married and have a kid who I would treat so much better, like she deserved. And the dad would be the most wonderful father a kid could ever ask for.

But obviously I was only what? Five, six, seven, during this time of loneliness? My thoughts were useless- every adult told me so.

But I never thought they were.

If you've ever wondered if it was possible for a kid's own mother to crush his or her dreams, now you know that it was.

_Control yourself, take only what you need from him. A family of trees wanting to be haunted, control yourself..take only what you need from him._

Looking back, I know I wasn't dumb to think any of those thoughts.

I mean, look, I had ended up meeting a guy I could possibly love. I had made friends that were close to me, I didn't need more.

I had even made a real enemy.

Maybe one day I _would _grow up and have a kid that I would be amazing to; I don't know.

For now, I'm fine with my life. Sure, my mother doesn't seem like she'll tell me who my father is anytime. I might not even ever find out, what do I know?

I may die without ever even seeing my own dad's face, hearing his voice, knowing his name.

Back then, when I told my mother about my fantasies, she had just laughed.

"Little Samantha, you're too young to understand everything right now."

"But, but- but I _will _fall in love and have kids, too, right?"

She didn't look me in the eyes when she answered, "Samantha, Sammy,... Love doesn't come from the heart."

"What? It doesn't?"

"Love comes from the brain, Samantha. And sometimes your brain isn't right."

"So love is fake?"

She laughed bitterly. "A lot of the time, yes."

Did she even know what she was saying to a six year old? Did she even realize the things she was getting into my brain?

"Sammy," Casey asked me. "What are you thinking about? You're kinda spaced."

I shook my head and looked at him. "Sorry. I.. I was.."

"Yes?" she edged closer, brushing his textbooks besides himself. We had been studying together, but he had shown me a few pictures of himself as a kid, so it reminded me of _my _childhood.

Why didn't my mother ever realized that I cried at night? Did she ever bother to even ask me about school? About my goals? About what I liked, wanted, wished? Had she even _cared? _Or was she just a person made of clay, just trying to mold me into another stature forever so I won't have to be such a bother to her?

Did he even love me?

I held my head.

"Sammy? Sammy? What's wrong?" Casey was sounding worried.

Had she even wondered where I was when I never showed up for hours after school? Or had she just been as home, crossing her fingers, wishing that I had gotten lost, never coming back..?

I had never had anyone then, and yet I still tried a little so enjoy life. I still explored places no one was, trying to think about what I would become when I was older.

I had never had a picture in my mind. I was Blank Sammy Keyes, No Occupation, No Husband, No Kids, No Friends, No Education, No Age, No Likes, No Dislikes, No Life, No Future. I was just a blank paper doll in my mind. My only conclusion to this:

I would die before I grew up.

_The water is warm, but its sending me shivers. A baby is born, crying out for attention. Memories fade, like lookin through a fogged mirror. _

If my mother claimed to love me so much, why did she let me have these thoughts? Most mothers would have rushed to their kids' sides, resueing them from their misery.

I looked at the ceiling and blinked back tears.

"What are you thinking of? Sammy?" Casey asked me again.

"Of... Of..." I couldn't say it.

"Sammy? _Sammy?" _

I had buried my face in my hands by now, crying.

"Sammy, what's wrong? What happened?"

I shook my head in my hands. "Nothing," I managed to muffle out, "I just... My mom, my.."

"Your...? What is it, Sammy?" he pulled me next to him.

"It's...when I.." and I broke out into more sobs from my face. I would not look up, not like this. I probably looked so dumb, with tears soaking my face.

Casey didn't say anything as he pulled my head down onto his lap. He moved my hands from my face and wiped my tears with the bottom of his shirt. "Sammy.." he managed to say. "Don't cry. I hate to see you cry.."

I clenched my fists but he took my hands and uncurled them as he intertwined his fingers in mine. "Please, for me?"

I would.

For him.

_D__ecisions too, decisions are made. Decisions are made and not bought, but I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot. I guess not..._

I could feel his soft shirt against my face, it smelled good. Really good.

He told me something, his voice soothed me.

I buried my face into his shirt and he let go of my hands to put his hand on top of my head. He clutched onto his shirt, I needed something to hold onto. I moved my face from his shirt and looked up at him.

"When I was a kid, like in kindergarten, first grade, I was kind of a freak."

"How so..?"

"I... My mom never really cared; she was always telling me dumb things. I didn't have a father. I always thought these crazy things and when I look back, I don't even think she cared about me." I paused and then said, "She once told me love wasn't even real a lot of the time. She said it came from your 'brain', Casey. She told me not to think too deeply into it. I was _six, _Casey. Why would she say that to a six year old?"

His eyes were still looking into mine, but all of a sudden they became very distant. They glossed over like she was thinking of something else. Finally he looked at me again and said, "She said that?"

I nodded.

"I don't believe that you only love because of your brain." he slighly ran his fingers over my hair, but barely.

"Me neither," I said, as I buried my face in his shirt again. "Me, neither, Casey..."

Casey leaned down, "What _do _you believe, Sammy?"

I thought about it. What did I believe?

"I.. I don't even know."

He touched my cheek. "I wish I knew you when I was a kid. I would have been your friend."

I stifled a bitter laugh. "Oh, sure."

"No, seriously. In fact, I probably would have liked you from the start. Like I did when I first saw you, Sammy, last year."

He pulled me more onto his lap. "And, you know, I don't even think it's weird at all that you're telling me this right now while you're crying on my lap."

"Why? I thought you would." I said.

He shrugged. "Maybe I believe that people can love, even as kids. I don't think it matter how old you are. If you love someone you love someone. Y'know?"

I shrugged, also. "I guess."

"I don't know, that's what I always believed. And I guess I was right in ways. I love you, and I'm not an 'adult' yet, right?"

I literally almost jerked halfway up when he said that. "You _l-love _me?"

He smiled. "You couldn't tell? I know some people use 'love' as a really big deal, when a guy tells a girl he loves her it's a 'really big deal', right? I don't believe that- I think people should be able to use that word to people whenever they feel like it. And yes, Sammy." he leaned closer and smiled. "I love you in ways you couldn't imagine, Sammy. You're an amazing friend. I hope you really do find someone you love, too."

He didn't think I loved him? What was I supposed to say? 'I love you too?' I don't know... Its all too sudden for me. _He _may be very open about saying who he loves, but I'm not ready yet. I think.

"Casey, I-"

He shushed me, "You don't need to say anymore. I think that was a perfect way to end this conversations. Now just close your eyes and think about what I told you."

I guess I fell asleep in his arms.

I dreamt about growing up and having kids. I dreamt about being a kid, and how no matter how easy adults think it is, it isn't. Sure, maybe kids aren't great spellers, or writers, or speakers.

But they were great thinkers.

I will never, ever treat my kids the same way.

Because no matter what I will be when I grow up, I will always be Sammy, and I won't forget about how it felt like to be a kid.

And that's what everyone in this world has in common-no matter if they remember or even care or not-

We were all once kids.

_Control yourself, take only what you need from him. A family of trees wanting to be haunted, control yourself..take only what you need from him._

**A/N: **How'd you like? I know it was really cheesy, I get like that.


End file.
